


Parallelograms

by thisgirlsays22



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Canon, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Alternate Universe - Student/Teacher, Angst, Canon Era, EreriWritingPrompt7, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Manga Spoilers, Pining, Romance, Smut, Soulmates, Switching, Teacher-Student Relationship, brief mention of past eruri
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-02
Updated: 2019-06-11
Packaged: 2019-08-14 15:18:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 16,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16495172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisgirlsays22/pseuds/thisgirlsays22
Summary: In one life, Levi is Eren’s captain. In another, his math teacher.In both, they're soulmates.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Ereri Canonverse Week and for Ereri Writing Prompt's Numinous prompt. 
> 
> Goal is to post one part per week as the story is complete and I'm making final edits <3
> 
> [Now with gorgeous artwork from Askmermanlevi](https://omglevixeren.tumblr.com/post/181955875332/commission-from-the-incredible-askmermanlevimara)

**I**  

The top floor of the castle is quiet as Eren makes his way through the empty corridor. Levi’s squad-- _my_ _squad now too_ , Eren reminds himself--is still gathered together, drinking and chatting in the dining hall. Petra had patted the seat next to her in invitation, but instead Eren had sequestered himself off with Hanji, listening raptly, and then exhaustedly, as they imagined all sorts of experiments they could run on Eren’s Titan.

Now Hanji’s sent him on an errand he’s reluctant to complete. It makes him want to retreat to that damp, musty dungeon, chain himself to the bed, and fall into a deep, dark sleep.

“Sir?” Eren gives a tentative knock on the open door of Captain Levi’s quarters, afraid to interrupt. Eren’s only been here once before. The captain keeps the room tidy, nearly bare. His bed is perfectly made, and there is only a small ceramic cup filled with quills on top of the desk. There are just two books in sight here, whereas Eren’s spotted stacks and piles of them in both Hanji and the commander’s quarters.

Levi glances at Eren, not looking particularly pleased nor perturbed by the interruption.

“Squad Leader Hanji asked me to bring you these authorization forms. They said you need to sign off the training ground for my experiments.”

Levi puts down his pen and sighs. He’d thought he was nearly finished with work for the night. “Come in, Eren. What’s more fucking paperwork? Hand it over.” He motions for Eren to step forward, and notes with detached disappointment that Eren still looks wary of him.  

The brush of their fingers is an accident as Levi reaches for the papers. A low thrum rises in his chest, a strange new beat to his heart. Almost like hoofbeats approaching in the distance. The thrum grows stronger. Eren must feel it too because his brow furrows and he stares down at their hands in shock.  

“Sir--” Eren begins, frowning. He isn’t sure. Can’t believe. But very deep down, a primal part of him knows with absolute clarity what is unfolding between them.

In an instant, Levi grabs Eren’s hand and presses their wrists together, looking down at them in abject horror.

“You can’t be fucking serious,” Levi says as they watch threads of matching blue begin at their wrists, twisting down their arms, winding their way across their bodies in identical, curving patterns. Like the ivy winding up the side of HQ’s crumbling castle until they are lit up, electrified.  

Speechless, Eren stares at his captain, the man he’s idolised since before he even joined the Corps. Despite Levi’s horrified reaction, Eren can’t stop the warmth spreading in his chest. He wants this. Can’t believe the gift he’s been given. To find your soulmate in this world is a rare, beautiful thing.

He’s also terrified of what this means. That he is the last person worthy of being _Captain Levi’s_ soulmate.  

“Don’t tell anyone about this,” Levi warns. If anyone finds out, Eren will be removed from his custody.

Terror seizes Levi at the same moment it does Eren. He can handle the responsibility of Eren the shifter, but he is not so sure about the responsibility of Eren his soulmate.

 

 **1**  

“Mr. Ackerman is the literal fucking worst.” Eren slams his lunch tray down on the table. Everyone is already eating outside in the summer sun, smiling and laughing at the picnic tables, but Eren is the last to join his friends--his fucking math teacher held him after class to tell him he’s almost failing geometry. Armin flinches, while Jean and Connie roll their eyes.

“Yeah, dude. We know how much you hate Mr. Ackerman,” Jean says. “You never shut up about it.”  

Eren stabs at the chicken on his plate, glowering as though it’s caused him personal harm. “You know what? I’m going back there, and I’m going to demand a better grade. I don’t deserve to fail, a lot of my answers were right.” Fucking _geometry_ is not going to be the reason Rutgers rescinds his acceptance letter.   

“That’s a terrible idea,” Armin protests. “If you go in fired up like this, it’s not going to accomplish anything.”

Connie nods. “Yeah, Mr. Ackerman will probably just fuck with you more.” One of the only sources of entertainment in their class is watching Mr. Ackerman deal with Eren. His friends love watching Eren get put in his place, even if he’s been part of their crew since elementary school.

Eren, of course, heeds none of this advice and instead abandons his food in favor of storming off in the direction of their classroom.

Levi is trying to eat his sandwich in a rare moment of peace when Eren comes barging in through the closed door.

“Jaeger, don’t be a shit. Go back out and try that again.”

Flabbergasted, Eren gapes at him. Mr. Ackerman can’t be fucking serious. Then again, his expression always looks pretty humorless. “What?”

“Go back out the door, close it, and knock before you enter,” Levi instructs, enunciating each word slowly.  

“You really want me to do that?”

“I do.”

Muttering obscenities to himself--which Levi politely ignores--Eren follows his orders.

“Go away,” Levi says, amusing himself. “I’m having lunch.”

“Oh come on!”

“Alright, come in then.”

Eren’s furious expression grants Levi a modicum of joy in his otherwise dull day. “What do you want, Eren?”

“I want to tell you I think you’re wrong. I think I showed how I got to my answers, and the answers were _right_. I think ‘showing my work’ shouldn’t matter more than the results.”

“Sometimes it’s the journey, not the destination, Eren,” Levi says dryly as Eren huffs and rolls his eyes. His dramatics further amuse Levi. “It demonstrates that you understand the _concepts_ and there are important steps you need to cover.” Levi reaches out his hand. “Give me your test. I’ll show you.”

And that’s when it happens. Their fingers brush as Levi reaches forward, and they both feel it at the same time, their eyes snapping to one another.

“No,” they chorus.

“I’m sure it was just a static shock or something,” Levi says quickly.

Eren pulls a face. “It’s like in _Jumanji_ where they can hear the heartbeat of the game.”

“Heartbeat?” Levi furrows his brows, momentarily distracted. “What the fuck? You mean the drums?”

“It’s the heartbeat.”

“No it’s fucking not.” Oh my god there’s no way this moron is his soulmate. Levi shoves their wrists together to prove this point.

Except he doesn’t prove the point at all. Blue rivers slowly stretch out, starting from the pulse points of their wrists, tracing the veins all the way up their arms, disappearing underneath their shirts.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Eren says, looking at Levi with fear and maybe awe in his eyes.

 

 **II**  

The second and all subsequent brushes of their fingers are not accidents. Tentative questions, confirmation the first time had not been a dream. They keep these flickers between them only. An evening wander through the castle, longing for that touch, the glow, the knowledge that another heart is beating for each of them.  

The blue lights up in the darkness of the hallway, and they stare at one another wordlessly. Until Levi moves on, inscrutable, unknowable, and somehow Eren’s soulmate. He leans against the wall of the castle, breathing, hands scraping against the cold stone behind him.

Levi, frightened by the longing inside of him, stops on the opposite side of the wall. Aching, aching, _aching_.  

 

 

 

Levi finally tells Erwin after a week, though it feels like he’s been keeping the secret for an eternity.

Shortly thereafter, Levi and Eren sit in front of Erwin’s desk, side by side in uncomfortable wooden chairs. Eren feels like he’s back in school, about to be taught a terrible lesson. Hanji is perched on Erwin’s desk, hungrily watching the events unfold with eyes as wide as saucers.

Fingers steepled on his desk, Erwin says gravely, “Levi, the MP cannot find out about this. There’s no way they would allow Eren to stay in your custody. The information is not to leave this room for the time being.”

“A Titan soulmate,” Hanji crows. “That’s amazing! Can I study the two of you in private?”

Eren goes green at the suggestion.

Levi glares. “No you fucking cannot.”

“Alright, alright.” Hanji holds their hands up in surrender.

“Keep your distance from each other, do your best to avoid any time alone.”

“What about our squad?” Levi asks.

Erwin sighs. “I’ll leave that to your discretion, Levi.”

Levi nods, and Eren tries to read his expression but can’t. What will their squad think if they tell them? Won’t this make him more of a freak than he already is? And they’ll see how indifferent the Captain is to him.     

Once they’re dismissed, Levi doesn’t even spare Eren a glance before he’s out the door.

 

**2**

“Please try to keep this between everyone in the room,” Principal Smith says.

Mr. Ackerman-- _Levi_ \--is standing at the back of the room, arms crossed, face giving nothing away. Eren wants to bury his face in his hands and scream. He doesn’t even _like_ Levi. Doesn’t think of him as anything more than his piece of shit math teacher, but he’s meant to be his soulmate? It’s bullshit.

“Surely this can’t be the first time this has happened,” Eren’s mother, Carla, says. She and Eren’s father, Grisha, keep shooting Levi looks equal parts intrigued and bemused. He feels the weight of their scrutiny, heavy and awkward.  

“It’s the first time I’m aware of,” Erwin says, adding graciously, “though of course this is likely to have happened somewhere else. I’ll look into it.”

“Thank you,” Grisha says. “We’d...like to know how to proceed.”

 _Me fucking too,_ Levi thinks bitterly.

Unable to bring himself to make eye contact with anyone, Eren keeps his gaze fixed on the linoleum floor. Principal Smith is being so calm, and Eren hopes it makes his parents relax. They’ve been concerned since he came home and told them what had happened.

“I think it would be best for all parties involved if Eren switches to another math class. There are other third period options, so it won’t interfere with the rest of his schedule,” Erwin says. He clears his throat and adds--with a small smirk that Levi is the only one to clock--“Rest assured, Mr and Mrs. Jaeger, I’ve known Levi for years, and he’ll handle the situation with grace.”

Levi gives Erwin a withering look.  

Carla nods, eyes darting curiously towards Levi. Eren wants to say, _I don’t want him, stop looking at him like you want to know more._ But he isn’t sure if he'd be telling the truth. He can’t unsee or unknow the sight of their bodies lining up, that color underneath their skin, the way it made him feel. His desire to antagonise Levi in the classroom peels away like wallpaper to reveal something different underneath. An attraction.  

Eren transfers to a different class, and they keep their distance from one another. If they meet eyes when passing in the hall, Levi looks away quickly--studiously ignoring Eren’s glances--frustrated, furious, furtive.

 

**III**

They avoid being alone together when possible. Erwin has warned Levi that the spies among them make this too great a risk.

It hurts. Eren wonders if Levi can feel it too, a dull ache across his body, following the lines that reveal themselves only when two soulmates touch.

Levi feels it too. His insomnia worsens somehow. Fitful dreams of Eren plague him. This must be why when Eren arrives at his door in the dead of night he lets him in without a word.

Without preamble, Eren asks, “Is this how it’s always going to be?”

He means between them; Levi doesn’t even have to ask. He flicks his impassive gaze to Eren. “Probably.”

“I don’t think I can live like this forever.” Embarrassment reddens Eren’s cheeks, but he doesn’t know how to lie about this. Doesn’t know what it would achieve anyway.

Levi regards him cooly, unruffled by Eren’s confession of weakness. “You can,” he says evenly. “It’s a choice, and plenty of people choose another path.”

Eren meets Levi’s eyes. “But what if I don’t want to.”

Levi stays quiet.

“Do you think we could ever--is there any chance--”

“No, Eren.” _End this now,_ Levi tells himself. “Look around us. Look at where we are. Who we are.”

“I am,” Eren insists. “I _know._ But it has to mean something. Don’t you believe?”

“Tell me something, Eren. Were your parents soulmates?”

Eren falters. “No.”

“And were they happy?”

“I think so.”

“My mother told me that my father was her soulmate,” Levi continued. “He left before I was even born. I’ve never laid eyes on the man, have no idea who he is. He left her with nothing and didn’t give two shits.” He’s never told this story to anyone before, but it’s been inside of him, growing and twisting its knotted roots into his heart. Soulmates is a concept that means nothing. It’s probably something cursed and monstrous like the Titans, something they’re fundamentally misunderstanding.

Eren is knocked off-balance at Levi’s story. He wasn’t expecting an answer like that or for Levi to reveal something so personal. He pushes forward, though, emboldened by the adrenaline pumping through him. “But don’t you want to find out for sure?”

Levi is quiet for a long time. Finally, he says, “I hope you live long enough to understand that love is a choice, and you have the chance to make the right one.”

“I don’t understand you.”

“See? You’re getting it already,” Levi says.

Eren’s fists clench at his sides.

“It’s late,” Levi tells him. “You should go.”

“Yeah.”

As Eren is walking out the door, he thinks he hears Levi murmur, “I’m sorry, Eren.” But he isn’t sure.

 

 **3**  

Levi’s classroom is as uninviting as the teacher within it. Absent of all the typical trappings: no motivational posters on the walls, no colorful ones with math puns like in Ms. Ral’s class. Walking in again after nearly a month of avoiding the room, Eren realises he’s missed the impersonal, lone piece of paper gummy-tacked to the wall with the typed classroom rules. RAISE YOUR HAND. MATH IS FUN, STOP WHINING. HOMEWORK GOES IN THE BLUE BIN.

Levi is sitting with one leg crossed over the other, eyes sweeping over Eren as he stands awkwardly in front of the desk, rubbing his arm.

“Why are you here, Eren?” Levi leaves the _you’re not supposed to be_ unspoken. He feels a tug of longing starting deep in his gut. His wrist throbs.

“I don’t know,” Eren says. “I just...felt like I needed to be near you.”

Though he’s loathe to admit it, Levi understands. It keeps him up at night, that unjustified, unearned yearning he feels for a fucking teenager, twelve years his junior.

“Sit down,” Levi says, and Eren drags a chair over, the scraping of the wooden legs against the floor the only sound in the room.

They avoid each other’s eyes until abruptly Levi says, “Tell me something about yourself.”

Eren blinks at him. “Excuse me?”

Exasperated, Levi taps his pen against the cheap plastic covering of his desk. “I want to know why.”

“Why what?”

“Why _you’re_ my soulmate.” Levi points the pen at Eren.

“Oh, that,” Eren says, as though he’d forgotten that minor inconvenience. “I don’t know. Isn’t it just a thing? Written in the stars, shared other lives together or some shit. It just is what it is.”

Levi shakes his head. “No that’s just the bullshit people spew. I don’t care if we lived 1000 other lives together. I want to know why in this one--” he gestures around them “--we’re meant to be together.”

Eren’s knee shakes as he jingles his leg around. He’d always done that in class too, and Levi wishes he’d knock it off.

“I like hanging out with my friends.”

Levi makes a frustrated sound at the back of his throat. “Something else.”

Not good at being put on the spot like this, Eren wracks his brain for something to tell Levi. Something about _himself._ He wishes he could grasp at something within his memories, something that will make Levi see him new and fresh and worth loving even if it wasn’t inked onto their skin, written in the stars, fated.

Eventually, he settles on a piece of his heart that makes him feel shy, silly to admit. Something he doesn’t speak about with even Mikasa or Armin. “I like taking my car and driving to this apple orchard in New Jersey. My mom took us there as kids a lot, and now I just go to be alone and feed the animals and drink apple cider and just wander around so I can just...be alone with my thoughts.”  

“That’s more like it,” Levi says. He gives a sharp nod of approval that only irks Eren.

“You tell me something now,” Eren insists when Levi adds nothing of his own accord.

Now that the question has been turned around at him, Levi understands how difficult it is to come up with something about yourself on the spot. It would hardly be fair if he told Eren to leave now without reciprocating. “I like to build things,” he tells him. “I have a workshop in my garage and right now I’m making a bookshelf.”

Eren’s expression, which Levi usually would have classified under the umbrella of ‘snarky-brat’, softens. “That’s cool,” he says. “How far along are you?”

“Just at the start.”

“What do you do at the start?”

“I’m sanding down the wood, getting ready to start cutting it into the right dimensions.”

“Wait so...you’ve got all these, like, power tools at your place? Saws and shit?”

Levi levels him with a look that says, _I still cannot believe you are my soulmate. You are a fool._ Eren ignores it, and holds his gaze expectantly.

Levi sighs. “Yes. I do in fact have the tools I need to build a bookshelf from scratch.”

“I hope you don’t turn out to be some psycho murderer. You sound pretty dangerous.”

“Yes, Eren. Be very afraid and stay far away from my home.”

He doesn’t exactly know why he'd said that. His humor--and demeanour--tend to err towards the prickly and provoking. It wasn’t that he'd wanted to see Eren flinch, but he could sense a space opening up between them, a connection, and it terrified him.

But Eren doesn’t shrink away at his words. A glint sparks in his eyes, and he laughs.

When directed at him in class, Eren found Levi’s humor too acidic and annoying, but here like this, he actually enjoys it. He enjoys it especially when Levi looks like he’s trying to fight back a smile too, but even though he presses his lips together to hide it, it reaches his eyes, makes them softer.

Levi clears his throat and looks away first. “Alright, time for you to go. You really shouldn’t be in here.”

Nodding, Eren stands. He gives Levi one long, unreadable look before he leaves the room. 


	2. Chapter 2

**IV**

Levi had meant what he said. He doesn’t want Eren that way. Too young, too much responsibility, a distraction for them both. Besides, even if he believed in the idea of soulmates, romance has never been in the cards for him. Not in this life. He keeps enough distance to protect them both.  

This changes after their squad dies, after Eren discovers that they’ve been betrayed by his friends. One evening Levi finds Eren alone at the training grounds, fists pounding relentlessly against a tree. Knuckles steaming as they try to heal the bleeding scrapes, the wounds reopening before his body has a chance to finish healing itself.

Rage contorts Eren’s shadowed face, his teeth clenched and bared. Levi sees a flash of Eren chained in the dungeon. Sees that same ferocious, monstrous look on his face.   

“Eren, hey, Eren. Stop.” Levi reaches for Eren’s arm, dodging the elbow almost flying into his nose. He feels Eren freeze and relax infinitesimally, wondering if there’s something specific about his presence that soothes him. As though the touch of his hand sends an unconscious wave of calm through to Eren. As much as he doesn’t want to admit it, Levi feels that calm too.  

Eren hadn’t noticed Levi coming; he’d snuck up so quietly. He stops his assault on the tree, on himself, and turns to Levi, chest rising and falling with harsh breaths. Despite his frustration, the sorrow and anger raging out in all directions--to Annie, to Erwin, to Levi, and boomeranging back to himself--he doesn’t pull away from Levi.

His eyes are luminous, ferocious. Tears threaten to spill as he chokes out, “It was my fault.”

“We’ve been through this,” Levi says, voice flat, expression blank.

Eren searches his face, trying to decipher Levi’s mood, his meaning. Inscrutable and impossible as ever. He tugs his arm free from Levi’s grasp. “I know. And I appreciate what you told me, but I can’t--” he gestures vaguely at himself and the tree. “It was all just building up inside of me again.”

“It gets easier.” Levi looks past him at the tree or maybe out at the darkening field around them. “And harder.”

A bitter laugh bubbles up in Eren’s throat. “Yeah, I’m starting to get that.”

Silence falls between them, the night around them quiet and still as the darkness deepens, lit only by a few fireflies floating through the air.

It hits Eren then that Levi might turn and go at any moment. He grasps for the first question that surfaces: “Why did you come out here?”

“You weren’t at dinner. Jean saw you heading outside, and I wanted to make sure you weren’t going to do something stupid.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know. Your head’s too thick to read.”

Startled, Eren laughs, but he cuts himself off quickly. “You could have gone back to the castle when you saw me out here. Why did you stay? Because you feel like you have to?”

Levi understands what he means. Why hadn’t he turned around as soon as he saw Eren alone on the field? The answer matters more than he wants to admit.  All he says is, “I don’t have to be here.”

Eren steps forward and reaches for Levi’s hand.

It’s clear that Eren’s trying to prove a point, to provoke him, and Levi refuses to flinch. He lets Eren press their finger tips together, then their wrists.

Though he was careful not to be followed, they’re still taking a risk like this. But Levi allows himself this brief moment of comfort. The hurt inside of him still raw and bloody. The faces of his squad haunt him.

“This doesn’t mean I have to be here,” Levi says, ignoring the warmth spreading through him at Eren’s touch. In the darkness, the blue tattoos of light almost glow like stars. “It’s still a choice. You always have a choice.”

“So why are you still here then?” Eren challenges.

He drops his hand, and they both dim as the color fades away. “Because now that I’m here, I’m going to train.”

“What? It’s late, though.”

Staying outside is an act of self-preservation, a way to escape the stifling air of HQ, the pitiful, mournful looks other squads send his way.

Levi shrugs. “Not going to sleep any time soon.”  

“Should I stay?”

“I don’t care,” Levi tells him.

He doesn’t mind Eren’s company. That’s one of the things that has surprised him most. From day one, he’d prepared for the worst, ready to take matters into his own hands if Eren stepped out of line. What he hadn’t prepared for, even after they’d realised they were soulmates, was liking Eren.   

Eren doesn’t return to the castle. Instead, he refrains from punching trees like an idiot and they train together. It’s easier to talk to Eren like this, offering technical critiques and vague praise. Through fists and the way their bodies circle one another, memorising each other’s patterns and weaknesses.

They go until even Levi has started to exhaust himself and Eren’s body steams from various scrapes and cuts. Levi bends to pick up his lantern, one of the sole sources of light in the darkness that now surrounds them.

“Can we do this again?” Eren asks hesitantly.

Levi pauses, still hunched over. He stands slowly and meets Eren’s eyes. “Erwin probably wouldn’t sign off on that.”

Eren eyes search Levi’s face, hopeful. “I know you always follow the rules, but...”

“But what?”

“Maybe there’s still a part of you that doesn’t want to.”

They stare at one another in silence, Levi’s arms crossed over his chest, Eren’s face still frozen in that hopeful expression.

Levi doesn’t reply and makes his way back to the castle.

But the next week they do it again and the week after that. Whatever he believes about what will and will not happen between them, Eren is still his responsibility, someone who needs to trust him. Someone Levi very much wants to survive the war. So he returns again and again to the training field.  

Their sessions come in fits and starts. Too much upheaval, too many moving parts. Eren is kidnapped, a government is overthrown, Historia is made queen, Eren starts to regain his memories. But in the spaces between, they meet to train. Quiet sometimes, and other times they start to talk.

Levi finds it easier at night, tucked away from the risk of prying eyes. Erwin has eased up on his scrutiny now that the SC has the favor of the queen and the risk of Eren being taken into MP custody is at an all time low.

Still, though, the truth of what they are--could be--to one another feels like too much of a risk, too dangerous. Especially because he starts to look forward to those nights training with Eren. Starts to let his eyes linger for too long in the dining hall or during meetings with the squad.  

Eren, too, is afraid because the awe and curiosity has morphed into something unwieldy and overwhelming. The closest comparison he can make is to his transformations when he can feel his entire body shift as a new form takes shape around it. There’s the longing for Levi’s company, for his voice, his stern instructions, his sometimes circular and confusing advice. Then there’s the physical longing.

At first he isn’t even sure how it would work between them. He’d been too young to have a real discussion about the birds and the bees with his father. There’d been a couple doctorly lectures, but they’d never gotten around to a deeper discussion. Armin had once given Eren an overview of how babies were made, and to Eren’s abject horror, his father had confirmed these details.

So while he can feel the flame of longing starting to burn inside of him, it isn’t until an illuminating discussion late one night in the barracks with the boys of the 104th that Eren is able to put real imagination behind his desire.

Connie and Jean get onto the topic of sex, as they often do, and Eren pretends to be preoccupied with the book he’d bought at the market the last time they’d been to Mitras. A paperback about a fantasy world, full of dragons and open skies. He wonders why the author traded one type of monster for another.

“Sasha and I are going to do it,” Connie brags. “We both agreed we want to see what it’s like.”

Jean says, “Why don’t you just go to one of the brothels next time were at the capital?”

Connie scoffs. “That might work for you, but I’d pick Sasha any day. What about you Armin?”

“Uhh, I don’t know. The brothels don’t sound totally unappealing.”

Eren looks up from his book and tries not to sound to interested. “What about if you want to sleep with another guy?”  

Jean looks at him like he’s a moron. “Men work at some of the brothels too, dipshit.”

“You’re the dipshit, dipshit! I bet when you walk into the brothels, they draw straws to decide who gets stuck with you.”

“Surprise, surprise. You have no idea what you’re talking about. You pick who you want to fuck!”

“Whatever.”  

Jean sneers. “I’m surprised you’re even interested in sex, Jaeger. I thought the only thing you thought about was killing Titans.”

“Enough!” Armin hits his bedpost to get their attention. “Would both of you give it a rest? Let’s just go to sleep.”

“Yeah,” Connie agrees, “I gotta be refreshed for my big day with Sasha tomorrow.”

The next night a book appears under Eren’s pillow. From Armin, no doubt. He feels it when he lays down to sleep that night, and from the moonlight slipping through the window of the barracks, he can make out the filthy drawings inside of it. Men fucking one another in all sorts of positions. There are notes underneath the drawings, though he can’t quite make them out right now. Is this an...instruction manual of sorts? His face flames hot, and despite his embarrassment his pants grow tighter.

That night he dreams of Levi and those positions and when he wakes up, his bed is wet and sticky. After bunking for so long together and with other male trainees, Eren, Armin, Connie and Jean politely ignore the tell-tale rustling of sheets, quiet grunts, slaps of skin. But still Eren finds himself hiding the wet patches he sometimes wakes up to in the morning. Each time he gets up before the others to wash his sheets.   

**4**

“I’m failing my math class,” Eren announces as he storms into the classroom.

Putting down his sandwich, Levi says, “Please stop interrupting me at lunch. Or at least start knocking.” He hasn’t seen Eren since before winter break, and he’s been wondering when he’d turn up again now that they’re back at school.  

“Didn’t you hear what I said?”

“Fine. Sit down.” Levi waves a hand. “Why are you failing?”

With a sigh, Eren takes a seat in front of Levi’s desk. “Because I absolutely suck at math. You should know that by now.”

“You were managing a C average when you were in my class,” Levi points out, feeling a little smug.

“Yeah, well. Not anymore.”

“What do you want me to do about it?”

Eren bites his lip before saying, “I was hoping maybe you’d…”

“What?”

“Tutor me or something,” Eren mumbles. He rubs the back of his neck, but he doesn’t keep his eyes down on the ground for more than a second; they meet Levi’s defiantly, daring him to make a snide comment or worse deny the request.

Levi takes a bite of his sandwich, chewing slowly, thoughtfully. He probably should say no, but there’s real worry lurking in Eren’s gaze. If he fails, there’s a chance his college could withdraw its offer.

“Isn’t there someone else you can ask? Didn’t your friend--Arlert. Didn’t he get one of the top scores in the district for math?”

“He doesn’t have time. I asked him, and he said he wanted to help, but he’s so stressed about losing his place at UPenn or one of his scholarships.”

“Oh.” Levi sighs. “Look, I’m not really comfortable with this. I don’t think we should be sneaking around even if it’s just for math tutoring.”

“We wouldn’t be sneaking around?” Eren looks at him like he’s lost his mind. “My parents already said it was fine to ask you, and we’ll pay you for your time.”

Levi blinks. “You asked your parents?”

“Yeah,” Eren says, still looking at Levi like he’s the foolish one. “Of course I talked to them about it. My dad said maybe I could use the whole soulmate thing to get you to do it at a discount.”

Still reeling, Levi says, “You don’t have to pay me. It’s fine, I’ll help you.”  

After that, he finds himself at the Jaeger’s house twice a week. Their house is warm and inviting, family pictures of Eren and his siblings at all different ages decorate the living room. They have a German Shepard named Lolly that likes to interrupt their lessons for belly rubs. Once he learns that Levi prefers tea to coffee, Eren has a pot ready for him before their lessons.    

“I can’t believe graduation’s only a couple months away. It still feels like I have forever to go,” Eren complains on Levi’s sixth visit. They’ve wrapped up their practice problems for the day, and Levi is just about to gather his things and go when Eren starts talking. It’s the first thing he can think to say. He just doesn’t want Levi to go.

“Yes, an agonising two months left. Woe is you.”

“It’s just that I thought it was supposed to all be easier now and I’d just get to coast.”

Levi rolls his eyes at him.

“Sorry. I don’t even really know why I’m saying this. I kind of just don’t want you to go,” Eren admits. It’s easier this way, to just be honest. He still feels stupid, but at least there’s a purity to it.

Levi looks genuinely curious and he doesn’t reach for his bag. “Why’s that?”

Eren leans back, resting his head on the couch. “You’re a lot nicer than I thought you’d be.”

“When am I ever nice to you?”

“You agreed to help me, and you didn’t have to. You’re always pretty nice to me when you’re here.” He’s surprised at how much he’s enjoyed spending more time with Levi. He’s patient when Eren can’t get a problem right, willing to detail each step again and again as long as Eren’s actually trying to soak in the material. And he lets them go off track sometimes, to trade jokes and stories.    

Levi checks the time on his phone.

“What, you got a hot date to get to?” He doesn’t have an agenda with the joke, but he finds he really is curious about what Levi does in his free time. How he spends his night after he tutors Eren.

“No. I guess I could stay a little longer.” He sits back down on the couch next to Eren, and stays until early evening when Carla arrives home from work. The sound of her key in the door interrupts their heated debate about The Beatles. Eren is insisting that _Eight Days a Week_ is a terrible song, and Levi is about to tell him where he can shove it when Carla steps inside.

“Hi, Levi! Thanks so much for coming by today.” Carla hangs her jacket up on the coat rack just outside the living room. “Eren, did you ask Levi if he wanted to stay for dinner?”

“I can’t today,” Levi says. “But thank you for the offer.”

Eren is surprised at his disappointment but he masks it with a smile. “So you _do_ have a hot date to get to.” He ignores the odd look his mother gives him.

“Yes, my hot date with the math tests from last week.”

“Are you sure you aren’t just scared of how great my taste in music is?”

“Yes, nothing has ever scared me more in my life.”  

Eren notices his mother has an odd smile on her face. “You’ll have to stay another time then, Levi,” she says.

“Another time,” Levi agrees, and Eren holds his gaze for a beat too long, hoping it’s clear that he’d like this very much.

It takes two more sessions before Levi accepts Carla’s invitation to stay for dinner. He’s convinced that she’s intentionally making the house smell as delicious as possible, and finally--after catching Eren’s hopeful look--he agrees.

“We were really taken aback at first by the whole situation,” Carla says, pouring Levi a glass of wine. “It’s not every day you see that happen, but it’s actually really interesting.”

Eren groans. “Mom, please.”

“And free math tutoring!” Grisha puts in, carrying in a steaming bowl of mashed potatoes.

Mikasa snorts as Eren covers his face with his hands. The whole situation is surreal, Levi has never been around a family like this. They laugh and joke and tease and even pass the food around the table as though they’ve carefully synchronized the routine.

He isn’t even sure if this dynamic is typical and he’s just the weirdo who has never experienced anything quite like it. While he and his mother were close, she often worked night shifts to keep the food on the table, and when they could eat together it was just the two of them eating whatever they could scrape together.

“So, Levi, Eren tells us you like to build things,” Carla says.   

Levi coughs through his sip of wine and clears his throat. “Yeah, I did mention that to him.”

“Working on anything at the moment?” Grisha prompts.

“I’m building some new bookshelves for my living room.”

“Wow,” Carla says. “If you ever start taking orders, sign us up.”

“Eren, you could learn a thing or two from Levi.”

“Yes, math and carpentry.” Eren sighs. “Literally a thing or two.”

Levi knows he shouldn’t, but he can’t help but laugh, and he and Eren share a private smile. Standing, he clears his throat again and excuses himself to the bathroom.

 _Jesus fucking Christ,_ Levi thinks, splashing water on his face. _I might have a crush on Eren._ His family is lovely, he’s lovely. Even his hairy, shedding beast of a dog is lovely.

At the same time, Eren is thinking _Levi must think my family is so lame. If my dad makes one more free math tutoring joke, I will climb up to our roof and jump._ He loves his family, but wow they can be so embarassing. At least Zeke isn’t here. He’d make even lamer jokes than their father.  

But when Levi returns to the table, he doesn’t seem put out in the slightest. There’s this moment where he meets Eren’s eyes, gives him a small, sweet smile, and Eren’s heart skips a beat. Mr. Ackerman, his least favorite teacher, that asshole, is sitting at his dinner table and has made his heart skip a fucking beat. What has his life become?

Two days later, Levi returns, and Eren gets honest to god butterflies in his stomach at the sight of Levi on his doorstep.

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

“So I got a B on our pop quiz yesterday.” Eren grins, leaning against the doorframe. “You proud of me?”

“Bursting with pride. Are you going to let me in?” Levi raises an eyebrow but he looks more amused than annoyed, and Eren can’t stop smiling at him.

“Sorry, yeah, of course. Come in!”

They run through the practice problems Levi assigned him for the week. And afterwards, Levi asks a question that’s been on his mind since the first session.

“Eren, why aren’t your parents more bothered by the fact that we’re soulmates?”

“I mean, they were weirded out at first, like after our meeting with you and Principal Smith. Then they just thought it was funny, and they wanted to get to know you in case someday we ever…” Eren’s face reddens.

“Eren--”

“No, I just mean, because there must be a reason we are, and they were just curious. But don’t worry, I know that this situation is just too weird.” Eren covers his face with his hands.

“You were my student. You still kind of are.”

Eren drops his hands and meets Levi’s eyes. “But I won’t always be. I won’t be in a couple months.”

The words hang there between them, sucking up all the air from the room.

“I’m sorry. God, I shouldn’t have said that. You know I don’t know when to shut up.”

Levi is quiet for a moment, considering. It’s not fair if he lets Eren bear all the burden of this. “That’s true, but maybe I wanted you to say that.”

Hope fills Eren’s eyes as they widen. “You did?”

Levi holds up a hand. “But just because I’m feeling something, doesn’t mean it’s right to act on it. Even when you’re not my student. You have so much ahead of you. I’m not going to rob you of all those choices just because you saw some marks on our bodies.”

“You know, you bring up choices a lot, but you’re kind of robbing me of mine now.” Eren doesn’t seem deterred by Levi’s words. In fact, they seem to have the opposite effect. Determination in every word as he says, “I mean, I get why you wouldn’t want to date me while I’m a student. But would it be the fucking worst thing in the world if we spent some time together this summer? No pressure or expectations? Maybe I really will prove you right and be some dumb kid right now, and maybe in ten years it’ll turn out I’m the guy for you or it won’t. But all I’m saying is...would it be the worst thing just to hang out?” He looks at Levi expectantly, like he can already tell Levi won’t have an argument to that. He’s not wrong.

Levi stays very still and quiet as he soaks in the words. When it’s all laid out like that, so simply, it feels so neat and clean. He loves neat and clean. It itches a deep and anxious scratch inside of him that’s never fully healed. There’s so much comfort to be found in the space that neat and clean provides.  

“No,” he says. “No I guess it wouldn’t.”


	3. Chapter 3

**V**

Footsteps echo off the stone path, and a shadow appears over Levi. He flicks his gaze up and sets his drink down with a dull _thunk_. “What are you doing here?”  

“I’ve been looking for you,” Eren says, as though this explains anything at all.

“Congratulations. You found me.”

Levi is still in the same place where, unbeknownst to Eren, he’d listened to him and his friends talking about their futures. It stirred a deep, uncertain longing in him. He wishes Erwin could have heard them talk.

Unperturbed by Levi’s tone, Eren takes a seat next to him, leaning back against the wall. “I didn’t want to go to Shiganshina tomorrow without talking to you.” Levi’s the one that taught him about choices and regrets. The last time they see each other can’t be Levi breaking up his and Jean’s fight.

Levi takes a sip from his cup and offers it to Eren, who frowns but takes a swig as well. His face twists in disgust. Jean has told him it’s an acquired taste, as though Eren's too foolish to appreciate it. Maybe he’s right, for now at least.

“You get used to it.” He takes the drink back from Eren and brings it to his lips.  

Eren wipes his mouth and says, more insistent this time, “I wanted to talk to you.”

When he’s this close to Levi, he can feel that low thrum, that vibration under his skin. It’s been so much worse lately, the desire to be close to him. That feeling that when they’re close together it wouldn’t take much to feel that light within weaving through his veins.

“So talk.”

From the determined look in Eren’s eyes, Levi can tell he’s gearing up for something. _Please don’t let it be a fucking speech._

“Thank you. For everything you’ve done for me since we met. You trusted me when you didn’t have to. You made me feel like I belonged even when I hadn’t earned it yet.”

Though Levi has narrowed his eyes at him, his body gone tense, Eren refuses to look away. He reaches for the cup between them and takes another long drink. Even the sharp bite of alcohol can’t burn the next words from his throat. He still doesn’t look away.

“I know you don’t think anything of the whole soulmates thing, but if someone like you is my soulmate, maybe that means something. Something about me.”    

“Like what?”

“That I’m not really a monster.”

“You are, though.” And a miracle, but a monster nonetheless.  

Jaw set in a stubborn line, Eren shakes his head. “Then maybe being a monster isn’t so bad.”

Levi doesn’t have a reply to that. A cool breeze brushes against his skin and he shivers, the warmth of the ale already wearing off. Anger and sorrow are still settled in his gut from his earlier conversation with Erwin. Eren should leave and find his friends again or, better yet, get some sleep. Levi is even worse company than usual.

“Tell me, Eren,” he says, letting his head fall back with a quiet thud against the wall, “what is it you’ll do if you survive tomorrow? If we make it to your father’s basement. What happens next?”

“Keep fighting,” Eren answers easily. “Whatever my father wanted me to find in the basement, it might give us some answers, but it won’t make the Titans disappear.”

“And after that? We destroy every last Titan. Then what?”

That question isn’t so easy to answer. Eren thinks about this for a long time. The sound of their comrades voices drifts towards them as they begin to disperse home, their loud chatter carrying from the main roads. They wear their bravado like a shield. Levi wishes it could really protect them from what’s coming.

Eren still hasn’t replied, worrying at his lower lip as he considers.

“I’m headed back,” Levi says before Eren can speak. He stands and as he begins to walk away he adds, “I suggest you do the same.”     

“Wait,” Eren says. “Wait.”

Levi stills. He isn’t sure he wants the answer anymore. There’s something in the air that makes goosebumps rise along his skin, but there’s no breeze to speak of now.

“I’d probably try to kiss you.”

Levi turns and gives him one long, final look, and something in it makes Eren’s heart beat faster. “Be safe tomorrow, Eren.”

“You too, Levi.”

**5**

“You better make this quick, I only have an hour.” Levi sets his cup of tea down on the cafe table and unwinds his scarf from around his neck. The cold hands of winter still have their grip on March; the day is chilly and grey, the tree branches outside the cafe window still bare.

“I appreciate your time,” Erwin says graciously, but there’s a hint of a smirk on his mouth. “I know what a busy man you are.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You’re a teacher, you’re busy.”

“You’re fucking right I am,” Levi grumbles, settling into his seat.

“Are you going to tell me what your big plans are today?”

“Sure,” Levi says casually, adding a teaspoon of sugar to his tea. “I’ve been tutoring Eren.” It’s Saturday, but he agreed to an extra session today.

If Erwin’s surprised he doesn’t show it. He takes a sip of his coffee. “How’s that going for you?”

“It’s fine.” He doesn’t explain how he can’t stop studying the shape of Eren’s mouth when he speaks, how he makes him laugh, how there is more sweetness inside of him than Levi imagined. How he’s not sure whether he can see him again without pressing their wrists, their mouths, their bodies together. How he’s starting to wonder _what if I did._

“Good.”

“You don’t have anything else to say?”

“Like what?”

“No lecture?”

“I don’t see how you tutoring him outside of school is an issue. To my knowledge, you’re not cavorting around the high school together.” Levi scoffs, but Erwin ignores him, adding, “Eren graduates soon, and then it’s really none of my business. I trust you not to make a bad call.”

“Thanks. There won’t be any fucking on school property.”

“Your discretion is deeply appreciated.”

Levi snorts. “I think I might actually like him.” He says this casually, doesn’t want to make a whole song and dance of it. Still, though, if Erwin has any objections, maybe he can talk some sense into Levi.

It’s quiet as Erwin takes a calm sip of his coffee. “I really do trust your call, Levi.”

And Levi knows he means it. He lets out the breath he didn’t realise he’d been holding.

 

 

 

Levi feels lighter after that. By the time he arrives at Eren’s house, the sun has broken through the grey sky, and when Eren opens the door he’s startled by the happiness that slams into him.  

“What’s wrong with your face?” Eren asks.

Confused, Levi touches his face.

“You’re smiling.”

“I smile sometimes.”

“Yeah, okay.” Eren leads them into the house and into their usual spot in the living room. He makes Levi laugh sometimes, but he’s never seen him smile quite that way before.  

“You’re right, you’re such a smiley guy. This isn’t weird at all.”

“Shut up.”

He sits down on the sofa next to Levi, a little closer than he probably should, but he can’t help it anymore, and Levi doesn’t move away. “No, no. When I used to walk into your classroom, it was like staring right at the goddamned sun. I used to wonder to myself, do I need to wear sunglasses to math class? The sun practically shines out of that man’s ass.”

“I shit sunlight and smiles,” Levi says, feeling the sudden, startling, urge to lean forward and kiss that smug look off Eren’s smug mouth.

“I knew it.”

It’s a good day together. Eren puts in real effort to practice the new material.

“9/10 right.” Eren’s smile is triumphant as they finish checking his answers.

“Good boy,” Levi says, tone bone dry, but somehow it makes Eren’s cock twitch, and he crosses his legs and wills himself to stay in check.

Levi hasn’t exactly said yes or no to the overtures he made last time, but then again he’s here. And he was smiling when he arrived. Eren’s eyes drop to Levi’s lips, chapped from the cold. How is it that Levi was his soulmate all along but it’s only now that it almost hurts not to touch him? How is it that he saw Levi every day and only now does he spend hours trying to think how he can next make him laugh?     

“Eren,” Levi says before he leaves that night. Eren has followed him out on the porch, and he must be freezing because he’s barefoot and in a t-shirt and there’s still a sharp bite in the air. “What are you doing May 18th?”

“I barely know what I’m doing two hours from now.”

Levi makes an aggravated noise at the back of his throat. “It’s the day after your graduation.”

“Okay...Oh. Oh.” His eyes widen. “I’m free. Yeah. Totally, absolutely free.”

“Okay great. I’ll see you then.” Levi turns and heads to his car. As he drives home, he thinks of the places he might want to take Eren.

 

 

 

That night that lightness Levi had carried with him throughout the day comes crashing down when he receives a frantic text from Hanji. He has to read it three times before what he’s seeing really hits him: There’s been an accident. Erwin’s been in an accident.

For a long moment, Levi is too stunned to think or feel or move, staring at his phone screen.

He collects himself and drives as fast as he can to the hospital. As he speeds down the highway, he counts things--the way he used to do as a child and he was afraid. When he and his mother left his father, he counted every red light they hit, and now he does the same.

At seventeen, he’d lost his two best friends and now over a decade later he might lose another. _Six,_ he thinks as another light turns red. He slams his fist down and the horn blares into the empty road. He ducks his head with a strangled cry and tries not to weep.

**VI**

The aftermath of Shinganshina is unbearable. Misery and grief suffocate the remnants of the SC. They drift and drift in the agonising days following their return. It doesn’t take long for Eren to drift to Levi, though he’s not sure his presence will be welcome. A question haunts him.

Without a word, Levi lets Eren into his quarters. His book lies open next to his bed, the spine broken so it stays flat. It had been an hour and he was still stuck on the same page, unable to concentrate. They haven’t spoken since Eren was let out of his cell, but Levi’s been thinking about him. It’s one thing to think you’ll probably die in a war, another to know for certain you only have a few years left regardless. Eren could save humanity, survive, and he still won’t have a chance.   

“How’s Armin?” Levi asks, shaking himself from his thoughts. Eren leans awkwardly against the closed door, frowning down at the ground.

“Same as everybody else.”

Levi gives a curt nod.

“I was hoping we could talk.” Eren has no idea where to start, how to get to the heart of what he wants to know.

“So talk. Say whatever it is you came here to say.”

Eren shifts a little and finally takes his eyes off the ground. It’s impossible to read Levi’s expression; it’s certainly not inviting. Still, he asks, “Did you--did you love him? Commander Erwin.” It’s not an accusation, but a curious question. “I mean were you in love with him?”

Crossing his arms, Levi narrows his eyes at Eren. “What the fuck has that got to do with anything?”

“Because seeing you in pain like this, I just want to understand. I want to help.”

“How exactly is this supposed to help me?”

“I don’t know. I thought talking about things was supposed to help.” Eren feels like a dumb, useless child.

“We slept together once,” Levi says, startling Eren. It’s not so much the content but the offhanded way it’s delivered, the way it feels like it’s meant to shock. “A long time ago. I got the sense he did it because he felt sorry for me or wanted something from me.”

There seems to be something hidden in Levi’s words, lurking behind the corners. Blunt as they are, they’re evasive too.

“So you did or didn’t love him?” Eren presses.

“I don’t know.”

In the silence between them, Eren prepares his next question. The one he’s been working up to. He thinks he knows the answer, hopes he knows the answer.

“You didn’t…you didn’t pick Armin because of us, right?”

“Us?” Levi repeats slowly, taking a slow step forward and just an inch to the side, the way he does sometimes at the start of a fight when he’s assessing his opponent.

Eren doesn’t break eye contact with Levi. “Us.”

The sharp glare Levi levels him with slices Eren. “Are you really that much of a moron? Do you really think I would have made a decision like that because we’re _soulmates_?”

The last word is said with such disgust that Eren recoils. “No. I don’t know. I was afraid.”

“I didn’t,” Levi says. “It was a shitty fucking choice, but it was my shitty fucking choice.”

There is such sadness in Eren’s eyes when he looks at Levi. They are surrounded by crystal again, deep underground, but this time Eren turns to Levi and says, “I’m sorry you had to choose.”

“Me too.” The tension goes out of Levi’s shoulders; he deflates. “Eren, you didn’t try to use it to influence me, did you?” There was a brief moment, when their hands were touching as they both gripped the serum where Levi wondered.

Eren’s eyes go wide. “No! No, I didn’t. I thought about it, but I didn’t want you to do it because of that.”

It’s enough for him--Eren wouldn’t lie. Tension has left only numbness in its wake.

“Do you want a cup of tea?” Levi asks. “I couldn’t fucking sleep anyway.”

And so Eren stays. That night Levi doesn’t shove him away when Eren offers his hand and they fit their wrists together. He allows the comfort and the warmth of the light carry to him off to sleep. The first sleep he gets after Shiganshina. The first good sleep he’s had for a long, long time.

**6**

Eren shifts anxiously from foot to foot as he waits to see if Levi will open the door. The casserole is heavy in his hands, and he feels stupid showing up with it, but his mom insisted. The curtains pull back briefly, Levi’s tired eyes peer through, and a moment later the door swings open.

“How’d you get my address?”

“It was in the phone book.”

“You used a phone book?”

“My mom,” Eren admits. “We were all worried about you. I was really worried about you.”

Levi eyes the casserole, and reluctantly says, “Well, come in.”

The townhouse is split-level but small and sparsely decorated. Eren wishes he were here under different circumstances. He follows Levi into the living room and notices the blanket and pillows on the couch.

“Sorry, I wasn’t expecting company.” Levi begins to fold the blanket up.

“Have you been sleeping in here?”

“Yeah.” He doesn’t elaborate.

“Do you want me to put this in the kitchen?”

“Through that way.” Levi jerks his head back towards the hallway.

The fridge is a sad sight. Almost nothing in there except a water filter and some cartons of chinese food. Eren places the bowl inside and returns to the living room where Levi’s sitting on the couch, staring out at nothing.

“I didn’t realise you and Principal Smith were close. I’m so sorry,” Eren says.

Levi gives a tight nod. “Known each other for years. He actually referred me for my job. This is a tough district to get teaching work in, really competitive. But he always looked out for me like that, even back in college and grad school.”

“Wow.” Eren feels an odd sense of trepidation tingling along his spine. “You knew each other for awhile then.” He suspects there is a deeper history here than Levi probably wants to discuss right now, and it doesn’t matter. What matters is he can see how badly Levi is hurting. What matters is how badly he wants to take care of him.

“That we did.”

Eren’s eyes search Levi’s face. “Do you need me to keep coming by this week? I can bring you more food, help you clean or whatever.”  

“No, I don’t need any help.”

“I don’t believe you.” Eren sits beside Levi on the couch, reaching for him, but Levi flinches away. “I’m sorry. I thought it might make you feel better if I--” He looks down at the veins in his wrist, feeling a twinge of longing to see them bright, to feel that warmth.    

“I’m fine. I’ll be back at work tomorrow. You don’t need to try that soulmate shit on me.”  

Eren’s head snaps up. “Levi, you can’t go back to work this week! Look at you, you’re a mess. It’s clear he was really important to you.” Eren can tell he’s said the wrong thing somehow, because Levi’s face contorts in anger.  

“I don’t need some teenager coming here and acting like he knows what’s best for me,” Levi snaps.  

As though he’s been slapped, Eren draws back, face ashen. “I didn’t know that you just saw me as some teenager.”

“Just because we drew the short stick and ended up in this shitty situation doesn’t mean you need to come here and coddle me and tell me how to handle things. I don’t need you.” Levi despises himself for spewing this nasty, cruel garbage. But he can’t stop. Every inch of his body feels ferocious and toxic and Eren needs to get as far away from him as he possibly can.

“Why are you acting like you’re the unlucky one here? Huh? What’s so great about you? I might just be a teenager, but you’re just a fucking math teacher,” Eren spits, venom in his own words and eyes. His fists are balled so tight his nails dig into his palms. The fury makes his body shake. How could he have thought that Levi was starting to like him, to care about him? “You just said it yourself, you wouldn’t have even gotten the job here if you didn’t have a connection.”

“Yeah. You’re fucking right, kid,” Levi spits right back. “It’s the best I could fucking do, and I’m proud of it, but I’m a piece of shit. Do yourself a favor and leave. Go find yourself another unlucky guy who got saddled with a soulmate he doesn’t want.”

“Fine.” Eren turns on his heels and storms out the front door, slamming it shut behind him so it rattled on its hinges.

Eren doesn’t get very far. Just a block before he stops in the middle of the sidewalk and stares up at the sky as dusk settles in. Regret fills him. Levi is in pain and Eren's only made it worse letting his own anger get the best of him.

He’s always been stubborn, though. Always barges into Levi’s classroom and life and never gives up so easily. Without another thought, he marches back to Levi’s house. This time he won't run away. 

The door is still unlocked, and Levi’s still just standing in the hallway as though he’s been waiting for Eren to come back.

Only he hadn’t expected him to come back, because his eyes widen. He doesn’t move as Eren rushes towards him, takes his face in his hands. When Levi doesn’t pull away, Eren bends forward kisses him. It’s soft and sweet, just a tender brush of lips. There is a dam of fear holding back the flood inside of Eren; it takes so much to restrain himself.  

“That was mean, and I don’t want to be mean to you,” Eren says as he pulls back.

“I was mean to you first.”

“It doesn’t matter. I don’t want that for us.”

“Me neither.”

Eren moves his hands from Levi’s cheek down to the long column of his neck, down the length of his arms, startled when Levi lets him, as if he’d been expecting to be electrocuted the more he touched Levi.

And in a way he is. When they kiss, a jolt of relieved and violent pleasure shoots through Eren’s entire body. He doesn’t understand how both of those things can be true, but it’s coming home and plunging off the cliff’s edge all at once, and it’s too much and not enough. They kiss and kiss until Eren has Levi backed against the wall and his lips are starting to feel chapped.

“Let me stay tonight,” Eren says, bending so his forehead rests against Levi’s.

“Eren, no.”

“We don’t have to do anything, I promise. Just let me be here for you.”

And Levi lets him stay.


	4. Chapter 4

**VII**

They don’t--they never--except they do. 

One night, months after Shiganshina, Eren shows up at Levi’s door. He announces himself with a quiet, hesitant knock. Levi lets him in and Eren takes a presumptuous seat at the edge of the bed. His head hangs into his hands, thumbs massaging his temples. 

“More memories?” Levi asks. 

Eren looks up at him, exhausted. “Not even new ones, just the same ones over and over again. Every single time I close my eyes to sleep.”  

Levi sits down next to him and offers his hand. He lets Eren touch their wrists together, lets their bodies light up in the darkness, and returns some of the comfort that Eren had given to him before. 

Eren sleeps in Levi’s arms that night. When he wakes up his cock aches, straining against his underwear. Levi’s hard length is pressed against his backside, but he pushes Eren’s hand away saying, “We can’t.”  

Eren uses Levi’s shower and leaves the door ajar. It’s no secret what he’s hinting at. 

Though Levi doesn’t join him, they can hear each other’s moans through the open door. 

Eren touches himself roughly, the way he wishes Levi would, and Levi touches himself gently the way he wishes Eren would. 

When Eren steps out of the bathroom, he freezes in the doorway. Levi’s hand is still fisting his cock, his legs planted on the bed as he thrusts up into his hand. Eren can’t tear his gaze away as he grows hard again, the loose, cotton trousers not hiding his interest. 

Sensing Eren’s presence, Levi’s eyes fly open to meet Eren’s, and with a sharp gasp he comes all over his hand. They’re both breathing roughly, deeply, still staring at one another until Eren spins around, shuts the door behind him this time, and finishes himself off on the floor of the shower with a few quick jerks. He whimpers as he rides out the waves of pleasure, legs quivering as he cleans the shower and himself off.

Levi isn’t in his room when Eren walks back out, the bed not even made.  

**7**

They’ve spent six nights together in bed now. Levi’s been an open wound, and Eren’s fashioned himself into some sort of bandage Levi hasn’t had the strength to rip off. Somehow he’s convinced himself that because they’re not fucking it’s an acceptable loophole to his rule. 

Tonight, though, Levi is alone. Without Eren’s presence he tosses and turns.  

It’s two in the morning, when Eren’s text comes through:  _ May 18th... _

_ May 18th.  _

_ I won’t blame you if the timing is bad. I know it’s only a couple weeks away,  _ Eren writes.

Levi considers this and then replies,  _ I’ll see you May 18th.  _

_ You still haven’t told me what for. _

_ I still haven’t planned ahead.  _

_ You don’t have to plan all that much. I know what I want.  _

_ What do you want?  _

_ You.  _

Levi’s heart pounds. The simple word makes his body flush. He’s thought about it before--how could he not when Eren falls asleep wrapped around him, how he shifts away when he wakes up trying to hide his morning wood--but alongside his arousal is guilt. Eren only just turned nineteen, he’s about to head off to college, and there’s so much Levi’s gotten to experience that Eren hasn’t. 

But as the guilt and the doubts start to swirl around his head, he remembers Erwin saying  _ I really do trust your call.  _

He lets out a long breath and texts back  _ I want you too.  _

 

 

It’s a hot, humid day when Eren graduates. As Levi watches Eren accept his diploma he touches his wrist and thinks,  _ I want you.  _ And he thinks  _ you have so much ahead of you.  _

 

 

Eren’s been trying to guess where Levi is driving them since he got in the car. It’s when they cross the bridge into New Jersey that he thinks he might have an idea. 

“Wait. Are you taking us where I think you’re taking us?” Eren turns away from the window to look at Levi. 

“Yes,” Levi replies, keeping his eyes on the road.  

“But you don’t even know where I’m thinking.” 

“Okay. Tell me where you’re thinking.” His tone is disinterested as he flips on his turn signal and merges onto on the highway.   

“The orchard I told you about.” 

Levi’s lips quirk up. 

“Levi! That’s--that’s so fucking sweet.” 

“Whatever.” 

Eren turns away, grinning out the window. “You drive slower than my grandma,” he says. 

“I’m going exactly five miles above the speed limit.” 

It goes like that until they arrive at the farm and Levi’s tires crunch over the gravel parking lot. It’s quiet here during the week when parents can’t take their kids, and they get a spot close to the front. One of the old golden retrievers is asleep on the farm shop’s shaded porch, feet twitching as he dreams. Two of the resident cats are prowling along the grass nearby. 

“Alright,” Levi says. “This is as far as I’ve planned. What do you want to do?” 

Eren’s been coming here since he was a kid, knows all the animals who have been here over the years, knows you always dip your apple donut in the cider, knows when they’ll start offering free apples in the fall. 

He grins. “We’re going to feed the animals, come on.”  They walk down the winding path towards the fields where the sheep, goats, assortment of wild birds, and one lone donkey roam. The guinea fowl wander freely around the farm, watching expectantly from across the dirt road as Eren approaches the feed dispenser, filled with kernels of corn. 

“When I was a kid, I learned how to rig this whole system,” Eren crows, eyes bright and eager as he turns to look back at Levi. 

“You sound way too proud of that.” 

“The machine only takes dimes, and my mom would run out, so I would just stand here turning and turning the dial like this--” He twists the metal knob back and forth, back and forth until there’s a soft  _ plink  _ as a kernel falls out. 

“I don’t for a second believe you were that patient.” 

“I was determined to feed the animals.” 

“How very Robin Hood of you.”   

Eren pulls out his wallet, riffling around for change. “Shit! I only have two dimes. We might have to go make change in the shop. My life of crime is behind me.” 

Without thinking, as if the sweet fondness he feels for Eren is a magnet, Levi moves so they’re standing close together. “I have lots of change. You can have it all.” 

“This is the best date ever.” Eren lets out a happy sigh, and bends to kiss Levi. 

**VIII**

Eren hasn’t even told Mikasa or Armin. Keeping a secret like this from them has been an awful burden. He’s not one to shy away from truth, even if it’s uncomfortable, but he’d understood the stakes at the time. Now, though, it feels less excusable. So one night when Levi stays on the training ground with him, letting Eren wrap a bandage around his knuckles, he musters the courage to say, “I want to tell Mikasa and Armin.” 

Levi is quiet, eyes tracking Eren’s movements as he finishes securing the white strip of gauze. “I think we should tell the squad. If they find out another way, I don’t think they’ll ever trust us again.” 

Startled, Eren jerks his head up, wide-eyed and fearful. Mikasa’s probable reaction fills him with enough trepidation, and he already knows that while Jean will merely nod in Levi’s presence, as soon as they’re left alone, there’s no way he won’t run his mouth. 

Still, he knows Levi is right. 

“Tomorrow I’ll call a meeting,” Levi says. “If you’re alright with it.” 

“We’re not going to tell them about--” 

“Of course not.” 

Relieved, Eren says, “Good.”

“What could possibly make you think I’d gather the squad together and tell them you’ve slept in my bed, and the next morning we listened to each other jerk off?” 

Eren’s face burns. They’ve never discussed what happened between them. But there’s something about hearing it aloud, blunt and fearless from Levi who he had half expected to say  _ nothing really happened, Eren.  _ Because they haven’t fucked, have never even kissed, but...something  _ has  _ happened. And he’s glad Levi isn’t trying to deny it. Eren’s cock twitches, his trousers tightening. 

“Of course I didn’t think you were going to tell them that. Not exactly.” This yearning might kill him. It must be written all over his face as his gaze pins Levi. 

Levi pulls his hand out of Eren’s grip, gently but firmly. He moves to stand, and Eren has to say what he wants to quickly, before Levi heads back to headquarters. 

Eren swallows. “Do you think...could we do more than that?” 

There’s a brief hesitation as Levi turns to stare at Eren in disbelief. “No. We shouldn’t have even done that.” 

“Well why not?” Now that the conversation has opened up between them, Eren isn’t going to let it go so easily. “Aren’t you curious? Don’t you want to know how it feels between us?” 

Levi’s eyes narrow. “It’ll probably feel amazing. That’s not the point. Now more than ever we need objectivity. The squad’s perception of that, the rest of humanity’s perception of that matters. The SC can’t just exist as the nine of us forever.”

“Is that really what we need?” Eren asks quietly. “Because I feel like what they need is hope, and somehow we can still give them that. And this between us? It doesn’t concern the rest of humanity.” 

“Doesn’t it?” 

Eren doesn’t have an answer for that. He thinks of Floche’s disgust when Levi chose Armin. The weight of responsibility is heavy on his back. 

 

 

It’s a question Eren contemplates for a long time. What does he owe humanity and what is owed to him? Years ago, he would have immediately answered  _ nothing _ , but he’s not so sure now. If he is still willing to make any sacrifice necessary, can’t he trace his fingers along those blue lines, can’t he try to tease shocked smiles out of Levi, can’t he uncover the hidden depths of Levi’s heart? 

Levi thinks about this question too in the quiet spaces he rarely manages to find. There’s so much activity around them now, so much change. Railways, exotic foods, stories of a wider world once thought impossible. He watches as his squad are promoted with pride and a twinge of sadness. They’d long since grown used to the idea of Eren and Levi as soulmates. Jean’s teasing and Mikasa’s suspicious looks fading away over time. It all changes. 

But Eren is a constant. Their training sessions an escape from the neverending change around them. 

And sometimes, sometimes, when he is at his weakest, he can’t turn Eren away when he shows up at his door. They share a bed and though he wakes up hard and aching, pulse point on his wrist throbbing, desire is not enough to burn away his convictions, however flimsy they are starting to feel.  

 

 

“What’s wrong with you tonight?” Levi asks after landing a kick that Eren should have easily dodged. 

“Nothing,” Eren says, rubbing at his leg. 

“Your form is shit.” 

Eren sighs and turns away from Levi. It’s a cloudy night, the full moon coming in and out of view. 

“I’ve been thinking about something for a long time.” 

A long sigh. “Go on.”  

Eren steps closer to Levi, forces him meet his eyes. He’s been waiting a long time to say this, and he’s going to do it right. “You asked me once if what happens between us concerns the rest of humanity, and I don’t think so. I know you, Levi. At least, I think I do. You told me that we always have a choice, and I choose you. And I choose you because I know that when it comes to me, you would still be objective. You would still put humanity first, and so would I.” 

He’s right. His face is so open, his words so honest, and Levi is dumbstruck. What is there to gain from pushing Eren away again and again? Why has he let his own Maria and Sina fall but he’s left Rose standing? On that rooftop, Eren showed him that he’s not afraid of Levi, that he won’t cow to him. 

To his credit, Eren doesn’t play the  _ I only have a few years left  _ card, though it floats unspoken in the air between them. Levi feels the weight of it more often than he’d like to admit. He could spend forever listing all the reasons why they shouldn’t, but he can’t anymore. The truth is that he’s been waiting for Eren to convince him all along.  

There must be something in his face that gives him away, because Eren’s eyes go wide. “Levi?”

Levi turns on his heels and begins walking back towards the quiet castle. 

“Where are you going?” Eren calls to him, a hint of desperation in his voice. That was all he had, if Levi still turned him down now, maybe that really was his final choice. 

“Back to my quarters.” Levi shoots Eren a look over his shoulder. “You coming or what?” 

They make their way through the castle halls silently. Eren can hear the blood pounding in his ears as he trails after Levi. He tells himself to be brave, and almost as soon as the door shuts behind them, Eren has Levi pressed against it.   

“Kiss me,” Levi says, voice low, and Eren does. Feigning more confidence than he has at the moment, he interlaces their fingers, wrist against wrist, and moans as the warmth spreads between them. If it feels this good to have Levi nibble his lower lip, to have him slide their tongues together, then Eren can’t even begin to imagine how the rest will feel. The things he’s seen in that book, the things he’s been dreaming about.  

They both undress, and Eren is shaking. The blue glow has faded since they pulled apart to remove their clothes, and he wants to get it back. Wants to see Levi’s whole body lit up. 

The sight of Levi naked before him, cock red and bobbing towards his stomach, undoes Eren. Mouth dry, brain like an engine that’s run out of gas, he freezes. It isn’t fear of failure or self-consciousness that roots him to his spot, it’s awe and gratitude. He’d prepared for a prolonged campaign to coax Levi into bed, to worm himself into Levi’s heart and prove that they could live up to whatever the word  _ soulmates  _ entailed. He had not expected to find them both here in Levi’s bedroom, naked and yearning and ready. 

“What’s wrong?” Levi asks. 

“Nothing, I just didn’t expect to get this far.” Eren laughs a little at himself. “You look so good, and I’ve wanted you so badly, and now I don’t know where to start.” 

“I see. Exhausted by your own romantic nonsense.” 

“Was it that bad?” 

Levi sits at the foot of the bed and gestures for Eren to come closer. “The fucking worst. I only brought you here to shut you up.” 

Eren climbs into his lap. His cock, which had begun to soften, swells again with renewed interest as Levi begins to caress him, looking up at him with a look Eren can only categorise--to his shock--as adoring. Cool fingers trace his hot skin, and his pulse races as he shivers. 

“If this is how you shut me up, I’m okay with you doing this more often.” 

Levi silences him with a kiss. His hands tangle in Eren’s too-long hair, guiding him as he moves their lips together. There’s something oddly appealing about the sloppy, eager way Eren kisses, but he pulls back, looking worried. 

He wipes the back of his hand over his lips. “I don’t know what I’m doing.” 

“You’re doing fine. Just follow my lead.” 

“I’m trying.” 

Levi thinks back to all the times he’s trained Eren on his form or technique in the field. Usually he learns by doing, muscle memory, but the verbal guidance helps too. It’s been a long time since he kissed anyone, but it’s come back to him.

“Slow down a little. And I like if you bite my lips like this.” He leans forward and catches Eren’s soft lower lip with his teeth, pressing down in a sweet bite. Eren lets out a hiss of startled pleasure as Levi nibbles. 

“Let me try,” Eren says. His fingers press into Levi’s shoulders as he pulls him close. A shockwave of pleasure runs downs Levi’s spine as Eren bites. He tests the waters, sinking his teeth deeper or scraping his teeth gently across the very top of his lips. 

“Not bad.” 

“Show me something else.” Eren’s voice is husky. He’s probably not trying to be sexy, and it makes Levi want him even more. So honest and open and all he wants is to make Eren feel good. Whenever Levi’s gotten off with someone before it’s been quick and to the point, but there’s a tenderness inside of him that he can’t beat back. 

Levi rolls them over so they’re on their sides, facing one another. Brushing Eren’s hair aside, he kisses his neck.   

As he runs his hands down Eren’s broad chest, he pinches a nipple. “Do you like that?” he asks. 

A sharp gasp is his only response. He rolls his thumb and Eren reaches his hand down to his erection, eyes dark. Since the day Levi had heard Eren in the shower he wondered how he touched himself, wondered what he felt like. His hand joins Eren’s. 

“Show me how you touch yourself.” 

“Will you show me too?” 

“Another time,” Levi promises. He sucks at Eren’s neck again, salty with sweat. Now that they’re in bed together, an odd sense of relief has overtaken Levi. The urgency that had been building and building is quelled and he can finally breathe and take his time. He pulls his hand back to spit into his palm and wraps it around Eren’s cock, wetting the velvety skin. 

“Show me,” he murmurs. 

Hand guiding Levi’s, Eren shows him the fast, even pace he likes, the tight grip, the twist of his wrist at the top. The look of hunger on Levi’s face makes him moan. In his wildest dreams he’d never imagined that expression.  

It feels so good, too good. He doesn’t want it to be over like this. “Teach me something else now,” Eren whispers. 

“Anything.” 

“Show me how to fuck you.” He doesn’t know how this works. If this is what you say to another man. How you decide what happens next. There’s surprise in Levi’s eyes, but that look of hunger doesn’t fade away. Levi’s voice is hoarse when he whispers Eren’s name.

He doesn’t need much preparation, not after the nights he’s spent picturing this lately. They start with him on top, and he guides Eren into him, slowly easing himself down until his long cock is buried all the way inside of Levi. He lets himself adjust to being filled like this, stretching around Eren. 

Beneath him, Eren is gasping and moaning, fingers digging into Levi’s hip bones. “Fuck, you feel so good. Better than I imagined.” 

“You too.” 

That makes Eren smile. 

Levi shows Eren the pace he likes, the angles that make his whole body shiver. It’s been a long time, and no one has ever looked at him the way Eren is looking at him now. Sex-drunk eyes full of something Levi is too terrified to name.  

“I want to go on top,” Eren says, out of breath like they’ve just finished training, hands gripping Levi to make him still.

“So do something about it.” 

He lets Eren flip them so he’s on his back.  

“ _ Levi, _ ” Eren whispers, voice revenant. Levi’s face is flushed, eyes dark and full of desire. He pins Levi’s hands over his head, wrist to wrist, fingers intertwined. Never has Eren seen something that takes his breath away like this. The closest he’s come is standing atop the walls for the first time, the world stretching out around him, the possibility of freedom on the horizon.  

He twists his hips, trying to hit that spot that made Levi moan before. 

“To the right.” Levi’s hand comes up to his ass, tilting him the right way. 

He lets out a sharp hiss of pleasure as Eren hits his prostate. “Fuck. Just like that, Eren. If only you could take instruction like this on the field.” 

“Maybe if you’d touched me like this on the field, I would,” he retorts, voice low, eyes glittering. 

Levi’s laughter morphs into a moan as Eren moves again at the same angle. 

Over the years, Levi has relaxed around him, but this is so new. To see Levi so totally open, his body, his face, his laughter. There’s so much love inside of Eren, and he keeps their wrists against one another as he moves, lets it flow between them. Blue and bright. 

 

 

In bed, later: “Do we need to tell the rest of the corps about that too?” 

“Fuck off.” 

“Just did, thanks.” 

“Tch. I miss when you were too scared to crack a joke around me. I liked you better then.” 

“No you didn’t.” Eren grins. 

“No, I didn’t,” Levi agrees. 

**8**

They’ve been dating for a month when Eren finally tells his friends. 

“How’d it go?” Levi asks. It’s early evening when he arrives at Eren’s house, the summer sun still high in the sky.  

Eren lets out a short laugh as he lets Levi inside. “Pretty much as I expected. Jean was like, ‘Oh my god! Mr. Ackerman is your  _ soulmate _ ’, and he only shut up because Mikasa told him to.” 

“I guess that’s not so bad.” 

“Nah. And the thing is, I’m leaving anyway. So if things had gone badly, it really doesn’t matter all that much to me. I don’t care what they think about it all, just what you think.” 

“You already know what I think.” 

“Yeah, I do.” Eren smiles.

 

 

That summer, even as time flies by, Levi feels like the hands of the clock have moved backwards. For the first time in years, maybe even ever, Levi feels  _ young _ \--like a teenager as he lays by the pool eating pizza with Eren, racing with Eren in the water, splashing one another and wrestling in the pool. 

“You two are so fucking cute, I can’t,” Mikasa says dryly, watching them from her deck chair. Her large, dark sunglasses obscure her face, but Eren’s sure her expression is bemused. 

“Thanks!” Eren grins and flips his wet hair out of his eyes, ignoring her sarcasm. 

Levi rolls his eyes and dunks Eren back under the water. Eren grabs his ankle and yanks him down too. Once under, they open their eyes simultaneously and look at one another. Bubbles slip out of Eren’s lips as he mouths words that Levi can’t make out. Then he launches himself up, pushing his feet against the bottom of the pool and rises, chasing the bubbles to the surface. 

They dry off by the side of the pool, and Eren polishes off the last slice of pizza before they go inside the house. 

“What did you mouth to me underwater?” Levi asks as Eren pours them glasses of water. 

“Don’t worry about it,” Eren says, and Levi thinks he knows because he wants to say it too. If he could, he’d drag them back down under the water and mouth them too. Words so obvious they hardly need be spoken. Levi wants to, but they catch in his throat. This isn’t the right time. 

“Let’s go away this weekend,” Eren suggests, cutting Levi off from his thoughts. It’s only a week until Eren leaves for school. “Maybe to Oceanside.” 

“Are your parents okay with that?” 

“Levi, I’m nineteen. They just need to know if I won’t be there to walk Lolly.” 

“I’m just checking.” He really likes Eren’s parents, wants them to keep liking him.

“I promise you, my parents will still want to see you when I’m not around. You won’t have to give up their cooking.” 

Levi laughs, but his heart aches. 

“Hey,” Eren senses something just a half-step off, catches that whiff of sadness. His voice goes low and he takes a step closer to Levi, biting his lower lip. “No one’s home besides Mikasa…” 

“So?” 

“Soooo.” Eren inclines his head towards the staircase and raises his eyebrows. “Wanna go upstairs with me?”

“I don’t know,” Levi says, discomfort slowly creeping in. It was one thing to swim in Eren’s pool, to eat dinner at his house, and another thing entirely to fuck him here. It felt like a betrayal of sorts. Dirty. As young as this summer had made him feel, the fact that he’s thirty one is harder to forget here than it is at night in Levi’s bed. 

“We can leave the door open,” Eren teases. “I’ll be on my best behavior.” 

But of course it’s a lie. Of course the door winds up shut and locked. Of course Eren winds up underneath him, working his fingers inside Levi as they fuck. He’d showed Eren that move their first time Eren had been inside of him. 

With every thrust, Levi rides the waves of pleasure as Eren moves his fingers in the same rhythm. 

“I’m so glad you taught me that trick,” Eren pants, pupils blown wide as his eyes meet Levi’s. “Best tutor ever.” His finger brushes Levi’s prostate, eliciting a moan.

In reply, he grabs Eren’s free hand and pins it above his head, wrist to wrist. 

“You’re so fucking beautiful like this.” 

“You too.” 

The feelings of shame and guilt wash away when they’re like this. When he sees the matching blue lines, when they move together, when they smile at each other and the world contracts so small.  _ Only us,  _ Levi thinks. And to think, there were people out there who would never get to feel this, not even once. Somehow he’d become one of the lucky ones. 

The pleasure gets to be too much, and Eren fists both of his hands in the sheets. 

“Sorry,” he murmurs at Levi’s disappointed groan. “I just--oh god, fuck. Fuck, Levi yes. Right there.” He hooks his legs around Levi’s thighs and arches his back as he comes, trying to stifle his cries. 

Levi’s not far after, and Eren watches with reverence as his face contorts, his breathing becoming more haggard. He strokes Levi’s back through his final, sharp thrusts.  

**IX**

Time is not on their side. 

This thought dogs Eren as the years tick by. Whether things are good--Levi helping him fix up the cottage near headquarters, tasting the strange and delicious food that Nicolo mostly prepares for Sasha but allows the rest of them to try, waking up in the morning by Levi’s side and pressing their wrists together to his heart’s content--or things are bad--arguments about Zeke’s intentions, secret meetings with Yelena, nights where Levi never arrives at his door--the thought is always a shadowed figure hovering at the edge of his vision. 

 

 

“The next time you see me, you’re going to have to pretend you can’t even stand to look at me. That is, if I even make it back,” Eren says. Tomorrow he leaves for Marley. 

Levi gazes out at the sea, an ominous reminder of what lies ahead of them. “I know.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

“You have nothing to be sorry for. If I didn’t believe this was our best chance, if I didn’t believe this is what Erwin might have done, I wouldn’t do it.” 

“That’s what I hoped you’d say.” 

“I’ve told you this before, but it bears repeating. This--” he presses their wrists together, “would never be enough to make up my mind about something.” 

Eren intertwines their fingers and kisses him. The truth of this brings him comfort like nothing else. He thinks this must be why the cruel world took some pity on him and whispered  _ there is one for you.  _

When they return to Levi’s quarters, they get into the shower together. 

“This will be one of the last times you can probably expect a hot shower,” Levi says, fetching two neatly folded towels from his wardrobe. 

As the warm water cascades over them, Eren lets Levi take care of him. Droplets of water trace the blue lines on their skin. 

**9**

The beach is quiet tonight. Gentle waves lap at the shore, and Eren lets the sound soothe him as his mind wanders.   

“It wasn’t the worst thing then, was it?” Eren asks suddenly, turning to look at Levi. 

“What?”

“This,” Eren gestures between them. “Getting to know each other this summer.” 

“Speak for yourself. You leave wet towels on the floor like a fucking animal.”

“You’ll miss my wet towels,” Eren warns. 

“Will not.”

“Will too.” 

“Whatever helps you sleep at night.” 

Eren stares out at the ocean. Deep water is one of those things that always gives him chills. If he stops for a second and imagines floating out at sea all alone, no idea what’s beneath him, he’s overcome with fear. That’s the feeling he gets now, trying to picture what comes next. 

“Are you sure you don’t want to keep this going when I leave?” Eren chances a glance at Levi who is frowning down at the sand. 

“Eren, we talked about this. We agreed.” 

“I know.” Eren lets out a long breath. “I know it’s still the right call, it’s just really fucking hard.”    

“A lot of times--”

“If you says a lot of times the hardest thing is the right thing, I will dump a fistfull of sand in your hair.” 

 

 

When Levi wakes up, Eren is still in bed beside him. Careful not to rouse him, Levi slips out of bed and wanders out to the balcony where he’s greeted by the salty sea breeze and the sound of seagulls overhead. 

He lets it hit him then. That punch to the gut he’s been dodging for months now. He’s fallen into the universe’s trap, and he’s fallen for Eren, and he still doesn’t know if in the end it means anything or not. Some soulmates last a lifetime, others barely a week. Shotgun weddings that end as quickly as they start. Timing and choices and hard work are all still requirements for it to amount to anything worthwhile. 

Love has sought him out and love is leaving for a new life soon. There’s not one part of him that begrudges Eren the adventures that lie ahead of him, he only wonders if things would have been better if they’d met at a different time, somewhere in the future when their lives were somehow more aligned. Where he didn’t still feel  _ wrong  _ at times for having someone in the bed behind him who was walking the line between teenager and adult. Someone who was beautiful inside and out but still had so much to learn that Levi didn’t even know where to begin teaching. 

But despite the uncertainty, despite those questions, he feels an overwhelming sense of gratitude. 

“Levi?” 

He whirls around at the sound of Eren’s voice.

“You’re crying,” Eren says, startled, stepping towards him out on the balcony. He presses his hands on either side of Levi’s face, thumbs brushing over his tear-streaked cheeks. “What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing,” Levi says. “I’m just really glad I met you.” 

“I’m really glad I met you too,” Eren says. “Never thought I’d be saying that to you. You were my least favorite teacher.” 

“Yeah, yeah.” Levi pulls Eren close so his back is against the balcony rails and Eren is pressed against him. “You were no treasure yourself back then.” 

“You calling me a treasure now?” 

Levi pulls him in for a kiss. What a stupid question. 

Eren wonders why people, including Levi, keep telling him there’s so much out there for him. Love shouldn’t have to find you at precisely the right moment in your life for it to be worthwhile. 

The voice at the back of his mind keeps urging,  _ tell him, tell him you love him, tell him not to let you go.  _ But part of him wonders too what it might be like out there in the world beyond the smallness of his high school life. He feels that there’s a reason everyone expects him to step out into the world, collect experiences and lessons and then maybe someday he can carry them back home with him and deliver them to Levi’s doorstep if it isn’t too late.  _ Here,  _ he would say,  _ I’m ready now. I’m home.  _

**X**

In Marley, time moves forward at a crawl. Each minute dripping slowly by like honey drizzling off a spoon. 

Across the sea, Eren dreams of Levi. In the moments he feels scared or lost or his certainty falters, he thinks of Levi and the kind of life he wants to leave behind for him. Even if Eren never finds a way to spend it with him, he will do anything he can to leave Levi, and the rest of his family, with a better world, the chance for true freedom. 

But in Eren’s weakest, most lonely moments, he dreams of impossible things they’ll never have together. It’s not fair because he’d be lucky to spend even one more day with Levi, but he dreams nonetheless. He fights for it in spite of its impossibility.  

 

 

His heart is already battered and bruised from their time apart when he sees Eren in that airship. The kick to the face, and Eren’s dirty, defeated appearance are crippling. Back at HQ, his wrists throb. Hanji’s given him his orders to transport Zeke the next day. It makes sense they’d want to keep him and Eren apart, why they’re wary of his judgement. 

He knows this, but still he dismisses the guards outside Eren’s cell. Knows they need to make this quick or Hanji’s suspicions might be further aroused. 

“I think we’re running out of time,” Eren says in a rush. “And I need you to know that I love you so much it hurts.” He doesn’t know how to tell Levi that even if humanity’s freedom comes at the cost of his own, that’s okay with him. That love had been a freedom of its own. Maybe he already knows, Eren hopes he does. 

“I love you too,” Levi says. 

He holds his hand up between the bars and Eren steps towards him. For a moment they hide their uncertainty, their fear, and they let the soft blue light chase away the darkness.  

**10**

He and Eren exchange the occasional text or call, but they stick to their agreement. The longing doesn’t go away or hurt less, he just learns to live with it. 

Levi also adjusts to life without Erwin and tries to help Hanji when he can. They’ll be great as the new principal, but the learning curve is steep.  

His students this year are mostly a bunch of shits, but there are a few gems. This time last year Eren had been sat at the back of the room, and he’d had no idea what would unfold between them. Sometimes he eats lunch at his desk and hopes that Eren will burst in without knocking. 

At Thanksgiving, Eren asks if Levi’s around, but he’s flown to Boston to celebrate with his mother, and Eren will be gone by the time he gets back. His heart aches, but it’s better this way.  

The summer will never come. The seasons will freeze along with everything else, and it will be winter forever. Levi's birthday and Christmas come and go, and he’s spending his winter break with endless cups of tea and time in his workshop now that he has a space heater set up there. 

He’s holed up, hermit-mode in full effect, so he’s annoyed when he hears the doorbell ring one snowy morning. That is until he sees who is standing at the door.    

Holding a tray of brownies covered in plastic wrap, Eren says, “Happy birthday, this whole plan feels really stupid to me.” 

“Hello to you too. And thank you,” Levi says, taking the pan. “The plan feels stupid?” 

Eren nods vigorously. “Yes! It feels like we’re trying to fit a square peg in a circle.” 

“Isn’t the phrase square peg in a round hole?”

“Probably, but I was trying to do the whole shapes thing for you since you love them so much.” 

“Eren, I do not love shapes.” 

“Well what the fuck are you doing teaching geometry then, Levi? God, you’re impossible.” 

Levi is laughing, but he’s also trying not to cry because the sight of Eren at his door, hair covered with snow that’s starting to drip onto his welcome mat, is the most wonderful thing he’s ever seen. 

Eren swallows, gearing up to give Levi the speech he’s been preparing since he got home for break. Levi hasn’t sent him away yet, and the way he’s looking at Eren makes him think that maybe, just maybe, this speech will work. 

“You know, my parents met when my mom was twenty and my dad was twenty six. Been together ever since. My grandparents weren’t soulmates, but they were together for fifty years and they met young. You can tell me it was a different time, and maybe it was, but this whole plan seems like a massive waste of time in hindsight.” 

“I love you,” Levi says. 

Eren blinks at him for a moment, but he recovers quickly. “I love you too. Does that mean I can come in and celebrate your belated birthday and Christmas with you?”

“Yes.”

“Great, because I want as much time with you as possible before I have to head back to campus in a few weeks.”

“We have all the time in the world,” Levi says, stepping aside to welcome Eren in. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again to SJ and Heidi for being best betas <3 And to Sanya for being best cheerleader and semi-beta (?!?!).
> 
> And thank you to everyone who took the time to leave kudos/comments here and notes/reblogs on tumblr (you can find me at omglevixeren) Every single one means a lot to me, you're all awesome <3
> 
> I would love to know what you thought of the story <3

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on  
> [Tumblr](https://omglevixeren.tumblr.com)  
> [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/omglevixeren/)  
> [Pillowfort](https://www.pillowfort.io/ereri)  
> [Ko-fi](https://ko-fi.com/E1E3B70L)
> 
> Thank you to my amazing betas:  
> [ Attraversiamo19 ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/attraversiamo19/pseuds/attraversiamo19), [JaegerBombs](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaegerBombs/pseuds/JaegerBombs).
> 
> And reader/cheerleader [Ageha_Sakura](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ageha_Sakura/pseuds/Ageha_Sakura)
> 
> Comments & Kudos are TREASURED <3


End file.
